Blog UK Dating

What do I Want ? How Will I Know When I Have Found It?

This article is about our personal values, what matters to us on a deep level. My personal values are honesty, freedom and passion. Values underpin all out thoughts feelings and behaviours they map out how we see the world. Looking at client’s values is an important part of what I do through coaching. In dating coaching understanding your values and believes can help you realise what you want, it allows you to understand yourself better, and find what you are looking for and maybe why you aren’t currently getting it.  Finding out this information will instantly allow you to only start looking for it, and stop doing the things that prevent you getting or finding the relationship you want and stop wasting time on dates and relationships that are not right for you.

How to get in touch with your values!

Think about someone you really admire they can be someone you know or a famous person, what is it you admire about them?

Make a list: describe the things you really value about them.

Think about each one carefully: they can be things like, honesty, freedom, creativity, security, stability, spontaneity etc.

Think about each one of these values in detail, what does this mean to you? Write this down.

Are these also likely to be your values, what we often admire in others and are attracted to in partners are often the things we value in ourselves. Reflect on what your values could be, when you know you want something from a relationship there is usually a core value behind it that it matches.

When dating coaching I then ask clients to think about the values the want their ideal man or woman to have, after all if you don’t know what you’re looking for how will you know when you find it?

For Example

Client: I want someone with a good job.

Glow: If you had a relationship with a good job what would that give you?

Client: Stability

Glow: If you had a relationship with someone who is stable, what would that give you?

Client: It shows they are responsible

Glow: If you had a relationship with someone who is responsible, what would that give you?

Client: Trust

Trust = Core Value.

If you explore several things you want in a relationship and each time you come back to the same value then this is your core value. You can then start looking for it.

The next step is to think about past relationships have any of your previous partners matched these values? How will you know when you meet someone who does? What proof or evidence can you look for that the next man/woman you meet matches the values that are important to you? How will he/she act, what will they say, what signs can you look out for?

I had one client who had never stopped to analyse what she wanted in a partner and just went for the first man that showed any interest, unfortunately she ended up in a short and unhappy marriage. After coaching she analysed her values and started to realise that her husband did not match her values and that they just weren’t right for each other, this helped her to accept that it was right for her to end the relationship and also what to look for in her next relationship. Happily she has found the man of her dreams who matches all of the things she was looking for and after 4 months is engaged and getting married in May 2011!

Hope you found this useful. Next Blog we will continue looking at other aspects of dating that coaching can help with. Don’t forget to check out my website at www.glow-coaching.co.uk or join the Glow Coaching Facebook Group.

Remember all Network UK Dating customers receive 15% discount telephone coaching sessions. Looking forward to working with you. Get GLOWING!

Bye for now

Liz – Personal Coach Glow Coaching

Hi all and welcome to my first update from Glow Coaching.

What is Coaching?

Coaching is a partnership in which the coach helps the client to achieve their personal best and achieve the results they desire.  Coaching helps people achieve the things they want and get results a lot quicker than they would on their own. A good way to look at  Personal Coaching is like having a Personal Trainer for your mind, like a Personal Trainer you could go to the gym alone and do a good work out but with a trainer you will work harder, try new things, and have someone to be accountable to, the same applies for Personal Coaching.

Through coaching a number of women in their late 20’s and 30’s I realised that confidence and self esteem for relationships is something that a lot of women would like to improve on. Even women confident and successful in their careers sometimes find personal relationships and area they are lacking confidence in. Through focusing on positive actions and solutions, coaching challenges and changes negative thoughts feelings and behaviours into empowering ones. These are sustained changes that will make a significant difference the person being coached life, now and in future. Coaching is tailored specifically to an individual situation and will work on what will make the most difference to the individual. Through the coaching process individual goals and aspirations are discovered and the coach will use a range of tools, techniques and coaching methods get the results the coachee wants. The coachee always decides what they would like to be coached on, the coach then facilities the process to get them to where they want to be. Coaching is about empowering an individual to achieve the things they want, understand themselves and enjoy the journey on the way to getting  them.

In this article I will give you some tips to start building confidence. I have not always been confident but it is something I have learnt and developed and now I am happy and confident in all areas of my life, I feel passionate about sharing what I have learnt with other women, hear is a chance to find out more.

1)      What is Confidence?

Get a pen and paper and write down what confidence means to you. That is what confidence is.

The word confidence can mean something different to everyone. It is what is known as a nominalization a word that sounds like it has a specific meaning but in reality it is open to interpretation. In order to build confidence firstly it is important to identify what it means to you, secondly you will need to identify how you will know when you have it. Answer these questions, be specific.

• How will I know when I am more confident?
• How will I feel?
• What will I say?
• How will I act?
• What will people say to me or what will I hear?
• What will I look like?

If you don’t know where you are headed, how will you know when you get there? In coaching we always work on what building this level of awareness. Once you have identified your goal you automatically take steps to start achieving it.

2)      What is have I got to build on?

Confidence is not about starting from scratch and changing everything thing about you. It is about building on what you already have and showing it to the world, being happy in your own skin.

Try and write at least 5 answers for the following questions. There is no room for modesty, I believe if you don’t believe in yourself or like yourself then it is hard for others to. If you can write more that 5 brilliant!

• What’s great about you?
• What are you good at?
• What are you proud of?
• What do your friends like about you?
• What physical attributes are you most proud of?
• What makes you loveable?
• What special gifts would you bring to a relationship?

Now read through this list and look it on a regular basis. See yourself how others see you, no one can be as hard on someone as we are on ourselves.

3)      Give yourself a compliment, even if it is only in your head, I often think to myself, I look nice to day, I like my outfit, my hair looks nice etc. These small things all add up to building confidence. If someone compliments you, say thank you a compliment is a gift, you would say thank you to a gift. By saying thank you, you are accepting the gift of a complement and registering it.

4)      Practice

Practice seeing yourself in a new positive light, another school of thought is fake it until you make it. If you start to act or look more confident on the outside, the inside will soon catch up.

Don’t forget to check out my website at www.glow-coaching.co.uk discounts available for UK Dating Network Customers!

Bye for now

Liz – Personal Coach Glow Coaching

Hi Guys, exciting news time! Here at Blog UK Dating we are extremely proud to recommend Glow Coaching as our new confidence and coaching partner. While we think online dating is a great medium we also understand the fears and concerns people have about getting back into or starting dating.

Liz from Glow Coaching is a wealth of knowledge and can speak from her own personal experiences as well as being a qualified professional. No matter what your concerns are why not have a look at Glow Coaching’s website at www.glow-coaching.co.uk and see what Glow has to offer.

As you guys know this blog is part of the Network UK Dating group which offers a number of unique dating networks here in the UK. As part of the continuing development of our networks we are pleased to confirm Liz from Glow Coaching will be sharing some of her vast knowledge in regular updates on the blog.